Morphology

This was one of those extremely rare days when we had spare time on hand.

It helped that we had lost a client or two, after they dared go up against LL's sacred and all too fragile ego, which couldn't be compromised even in the face of future loss of income. While LL lost his temper and alienated the clients irrevocably, it consequently left us with a little breathing space. 

This was because he couldn't pin the blame on any of us for a change. Witnesses, you see.

For the forever-politically-correct and give-the-guy-a-break type of folk reading this, do understand that am not being unduly harsh in this pronouncement.

Imagine my surprise when on a goodbye call with the managing director of one of my favourite clients who had terminated our services last week, he expressed that he was really happy with me and my team's work over the last few years and was sorry that his falling out with LL and discovery about his prevarication on an important matter had led to this. Especially as LL had called a sombre group meeting and claimed that this client had resigned because of dissatisfaction with the way my team and I had handled things. This would have had implications on our annual increment as well as bonuses due. 

While I was still dazed and ruminating on the implications of being stabbed in the back by one's own boss and owner of our fascism, uh.. company, LL called another meeting for group heads. 

This meeting was to do with our Internal Projects. This meant tasks like public relations for LL, making sure he was spotted on TV and interviewed on radio. It included displaying our work for various brands on whiteboards dotted around our office. The whiteboards were strategically placed so that any client and coterie would spot them on the way to the conference rooms. 

When I walked into LL's cabin, our event photographer Jignesh, was present too. This guy's expertise so far had been wedding videos and still shots of brides and grooms on stage in various simpering poses. Different weddings ofcourse.

No doubt, he fit right into LL's thrifty budget, but why LL favoured him was a mystery to me. When it came to promoting himself, LL unhesitatingly spent top dollar.

Call me biased, but I'd reached a stage given recent events where I was wary of anyone whom LL considered a friend. Besides, trigger-happy Jignesh was just a little too eager to please and shifty.

"I'd like some of my photos up on the boards", said LL.

Puzzled, I looked at him. "They're already there. Saw to it myself."

"No, no, I mean this", he said, chuckling.

He had pictures of himself at various award ceremonies, and some other group pictures with each client and their teams spread over his desk.

"Alright, would you like me to select a few?", I asked.

"No, I mean this one", he said, waving the one picture he held tightly in his hand. "This one is really good, Jignesh, am so glad you found it!" said LL full of rapture, looking at it.

He turned it over, still not letting go and I got a look. I could hardly believe my eyes. This was a picture of LL walking slightly behind St. Meresa*. No, there isn't any snarky follow up here. I do really mean St. Meresa.

* Since am painstakingly disguising all identities here, this is just to keep up with the overall theme.

LL looked much younger in the snap and I wondered how he'd managed it.

To me, this seemed blasphemous. Like the end of all good things as we know it.

Like seeing Osama posing with Nelson Mandela or Saddam with Aung San Suu Kyi.

I looked closely, too stunned to comment. LL was looking directly at the camera lens and smiling widely, but St. Meresa, bless her, seemed to be unaware of the lens and her gaze was focussed in the opposite direction, with a kindly expression.

I have to admit that yet again, I felt a grudging respect for LL and his methods. Somehow he'd managed to be in the right place at the right time. Isn't that what success is all about? Superficial success, at least.

This didn't impress me at all though, as the right PR can get you any image you care to project to the world.

"My family too had met her, but we don't have a picture", said he. "Anyway, you can send the others across as soon as you redevelop them", were his final instructions to Jignesh.

"Oh, and AJ, you need to tone down the language in your reports. Don't use big words. Some of our clients can't understand it."

Having perfected my deadpan look, I managed not to show any reaction. Our clients seemed quite well read and articulate and given that English is one of the easiest languages to learn, I was sure that linguistically, my reports were not a difficult read at all. I wondered if this was another fabrication on LL's part to find fault with my work.  

LL handed over the snapshot and I tacked it up on the most prominent board.

Over the course of the week, clients were suitably impressed and we spent a good fifteen minutes during each meeting discussing how, when and where this occurred.

As I walked in early next Monday morning at 6 a.m. to prepare for a 6.30 a.m. meeting, I ran a cursory eye over the boards. Something seemed different and I noticed a new photograph added to the crop of earlier ones. It showed LL's family posing with St. Meresa, oddly enough at what seemed to be their home's verandah. I was impressed this time.This seemed more than good PR. Had he contributed so much to the cause that she'd visited their home?

Effective PR can fool people, but St. Meresa's testimonial was convincing indeed.

The day was busy and much later mid-morning, I bumped into Sandra, current EA to LL looking at the same photograph. Except, she was peering at it very closely.

"This is really impressive", I commented.

She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. "Really?"

"Sure. I'd earlier thought it was just good PR, but if she actually visits his place, then... "

"Look carefully, AJ, how come you didn't notice this?", she grinned.

I peered closely too. It was a rather small photograph.

Sandra looked all around even though we were alone just then.

"Ssmorhhd..." she whispered, giggling at the same time.

"Sorry, what?"

"It's morphed!"

I've never met a saint, but I can say that I did experience enlightenment of one kind just then.

Looking at it with this newfound knowledge, one could see that the Saint indeed seemed to have astrally manifested herself into the photograph. She looked a little larger in size than the others and her body was angled differently from the others too.

I thanked Sandra for giving me my first real laugh of the day.

And decided not to worry too much about LL's directions, morphologically speaking.

What's an Introvert

…like you, doing in a field like this?

Good question. One that I got asked a lot. Of all the unlikely career choices, this was a big mistake, or so I was beginning to think.

Let some alternative titles I contemplated for this post serve as a warning in advance:

If Only I’d Known

While We're Dreaming

Speculation

Your Grass is SO much Greener

Everyone knows what an introvert is like. That would be my safe 'weakness' to list in a job app. So I've forced myself to cut you a break and delete a whole paragraph I just wrote on the subject.

Let me assure you - this is not a long whine about all the circumstances which led me to where I was. I've enjoyed my life. I totally get the fact that life does not run on some path that you imagined or romanticized in your teens. I never knew what career I was meant for and I probably still don't. I just went along. I still do. I'd better stop before this turns into a Dr. Seuss story.

I was quite happily settled into the routine, and more importantly, happy with what I was making. I liked what it did to my seriously introverted personality too. Nowadays, I languish somewhere in between the two extremes, but occasionally drift back to the Completely Introvert end of the scale. But off late, anyone I'd met or spoken with, who'd had the guts to start off doing something considered unlikely to survive at, was spectacularly better off for doing it.

Should I have taken the road less trampled? You bet.

I still remember the conversation that made me lose faith in the advice I'd come across so far. It was a rude awakening to how clueless we were.

The day had started with a news story about how roadside beggars in Mumbai, using ingenious methods were making more actual cash than, say, certain employed folks per day. Though it was sensationalized and glossed over the trials of the homeless, it was irksome to know I was making less per hour than the guy whose palm I'd dropped a buck into this morning.

On this day, my desk phone rang - a bright ex-batchmate. We'd all hung out together. We were all getting caught up in long hours and consequently keeping in touch less frequently than before.

Have cut out the preliminaries we chatted about - largely about a new cocktail he'd mixed which I simply had to taste and his coolest new pair of shoes.

College Batchmate (CB) : "So hey, am thinking of quitting..."

Me : "And go where? You're in such a fabulous job already"

CB : "Actually, I'm planning to join ##TV."

Me : "Really? Do they have much going on for Finance grads like you?"

CB: "Are you kidding me??"

CB (lowering his voice) : "That's what I wondered at first too. But this is the most amazing thing I've discovered."

Me (mystified and because it's catching, whispering): "What?? Go on"

CB : "This group, has something called a media sales team."

Me (finally in a position to display some competitive superiority) : "Yeah, I know all about that. We get them all the time, nearly half a dozen channels all day. But aren’t those marketing/ sales folks? Are you Switching Fields??"

Though I tried not to, my tone implied this was a sin that ranked higher than Moses' top 10. I was slightly prissy about such things*.

* Back then.

CB : No, no. They sell media spots…

Me (interrupting**): "Hey trust me. I could write a thesis on the subject. Have had the benefit of being involved in media planning for nearly five clients at the mo. We've had the top few agencies here - I know how it all works with them."

** I do that a lot. Sometimes when you call, I'll carry on the whole conversation myself if you're not careful.

CB : "Cool. So you know about the commission, right?"

Me (even more mystified) : "Commission?"

CB : "Yeah, the media sales guys get commission.."

Me : "Wait, but the real work's all done by the media planners."

CB : "Really? But listen to this. At ## TV, you get the commission on whatever deals you freeze with media planners."

I felt I'd been sucker punched in the small of my tum and lost my breath, momentarily.

Me : "But these plans are worth crores for a year. Spends on one channel run in to lakhs for just one account!"

CB : "Exactly!"

I was about to throw up at this point, I felt so sick.

How come I didn't know this? I would have taken up working in Finance for a TV channel. Was this true? Or an urban legend, a myth sent out to lure bright stars like my friend here? Why couldn’t college equip us for this kind of knowledge?

CB : "Which is why am mostly taking this up - just waiting for another place's offer before I decide."

Me : "That is so good! Congrats!"

And I meant it. It's an instant mood lifter to hear of something good in anyone's life. It's our way of assuring ourselves that good things happen to good people. Maybe that's why the Chicken soup series are so popular. I may be wrong though, I haven't read any myself.

The day moved along in a slow crawl. I got this uneasy feeling I was working in the kind of place from which you could check out but never leave, when my cousin called.

Have cut out the preliminaries we chatted about - largely about designer unmentionables she'd splurged on and her coolest new pair of shoes.

Cuz : "So hey girl, come over, spend the weekend at my place."

Her place was this sprawling company acco in Breach Candy - always a pleasure.

Me : "Tempting! Let’s try catch the late night show too. And a much lighter dinner this time."

Post window shopping, we tended to eat out like we'd been starving all week.

Cuz : "I've just had the heaviest lunch ever at Lings, so don't worry about that. I'm still so full."

Me : "How come? Celebrating something?"

Cuz : "For an ex colleague - do you remember him? From my housewarming? He'd called us to celebrate his new job."

Me : "Nice. Everyone seems to be job hopping these days".

Cuz : "Yes...and he's moving to his penthouse soon. Can't wait for the parties there!"

Me : "Really? Penthouse? What kind of job gets you one?" 

Cuz : "Well, he's an investment banker, y'know. Packages are hitting the roof for them - given what's happening."

She meant economically.

I couldn’t quite picture the man I’d met as a successful investment banker. I mean, he was not THAT much different from me. To me***, investment bankers ranked somewhere up there with fighter plane pilots. The Tom Cruise in Top Gun kind.

*** Back then. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Me : "I've always wanted to know this, just how do companies afford investment bankers' salaries?"

Cuz : "Didn't you know? They get paid on every merger/ acquisition they work on."

Me (still not getting it) : "Sure, but why is it in crores? I mean, how come it's so stark a difference?"

Cuz : "It is a very high profile line of work and extremely high anxiety too, burn out rates are really high, a lot of them need counselling. I have a friend who apparently used to talk in his sleep, he was that stressed - but the incentive is, they get a percentage on the total amount of the deal for the acquisition."

Cuz : "Helloo…? You there?"

I was experiencing nausea once again.

Maybe this is fancy - but I swear I'd have studied harder had I known it was possible to earn in crores working a job! I could've conned my way somehow through one such deal and then joined something a little less stressful.

It made me think of what I could've or would've been if only I’d known better, or to be more honest, if I’d had the guts.

Or taken more interest. Or, to be fair, had the opportunity. Thank you, Malcolm Gladwell.

I seemed to have spent that entire week talking to people who were earning a comfortable living doing what they enjoyed and who were probably laughed down in their time for doing it. But this very same fact made worklife tolerable.

Sitting in my cramped space, I allowed myself a two-minute daydream of visualizing something wondrous I could've been doing work wise, if only I'd thought of it then.

I could see it all - with a backdrop of fruit laden green trees, fresh air, azure water, crisp blue sky, chirping birds and happy sunlight. Utopia for the employed.

To pen it all down, here's my list, which seems to grow longer each time I look at it.

If I hear you laugh, we're through.

An Indian classical dancer

An archaeologist

An anthropologist

A singer (you never know)

An Indian classical musician (you really never know)

An artist

Writer

Teacher (Preferably kindergarten or primary school)

College lecturer

A manager of museums (I don't know where that's coming from)

A book store owner

Gym aerobics instructor (where you get paid to conduct aerobics and end up with a fantastically toned body yourself on account of all that exercise)

Conservationist

A photographer (Ideally, following a conservationist)

At an embassy (Everyone says the perks are great)

Travelling show host (Or heck, more realistically, the camera asst., or equipment incharge or bag carrier or anything that gets me to go with them.)

The job of the desk guy overlooking boat trips at a holiday resort on Lake Vembanad in Kerala. (Am serious. You should see the view he's got.)

Exotic holiday home manager (In the wilderness, or any beautiful locale like Goa).

Wait. Any job in Goa.

Okay, this was fun.

Do you have a list?

Resuscitation

It was one of those days again.

Had reached office at 8 a.m. and a whole 12 and a half hours later, was still there.

Did I mention that we were understaffed and overburdened? Or that we could have held a record for the highest attrition? Lately, I'd forgotten what sunlight looked like.

Since it had always been my burning ambition since childhood to be 'independent', I was happy to be working in an office, earning my own income, rubbing shoulders with - well, not exactly the 'who's who' of the advertising and marketing world, but quite close.

Plus, the terrible impression I had of those who worked in "business" was slowly changing. Some of the people who did this were actually human. Not heartless, cut-throat, ready to sell their own grandmother.

'Some' is the key word here, of course.

LL was a brilliant orator and he was quite different while interacting with our clients. He was charming, affable and humorous. He bent a sensitive ear to our clients' woes when required and when a client wasn't quite convinced, he was passionate and forceful in making his point.

Witnessing this for the first time, I was amazed at the transformation. I counted myself amongst his many admirers, for his intelligence and genuinely successful marketing tactics. And I was still proud to be amongst the chosen few recruited by him. (Notice the subtle self-flattery).

Thinking back, this must have been the quality that Adolf H. aroused whenever he spoke publicly. I'd read somewhere that without quite being able to recall any particular sentence of his speech, budding or fellow Nazis were willing to follow his ideology blindly, once at the receiving end of his magnetic oratory.

I was similarly still overawed by LL and admired the fact that he had set up a whole organisation like this, which ran on professional lines.

Ofcourse, I had many misconceptions as will become clear over time.

This was one of the days everyone at work had witnessed him being unnecessarily nasty with a newly recruited sweet, timid girl who had made a simple error in a communiqué to the client. His sarcastic comments yelled at the top of his voice reduced her to tears. We also watched him spectacularly lose his temper with another guy who'd dared send a press-release write-up to the client without LL's having seen it first. What upset him primarily was that his own quote was not included in the press release. LL did not like losing any opportunity of being quoted in media and ranked any journalist's call as the highest priority.

I was sure he'd have a couple of resignations on his table by tomorrow morning. And we’d continue losing people almost as fast as we hired them.

All us Marrkitians* soon understood that LL was rabid about getting credit for his contributions no matter how negligible. We were so used to him taking credit publicly, even for our team's ideas that we never thought about why he couldn't share the credit a bit. Or use "we" instead of "I" while talking of a successful launch or repositioning.

*Refer to 'Glossary of Marrkit's Marketing Terms/ Office Jargon' section for meanings

Still trying to come to terms with what colossal ego could get a kick out of picking on youngsters like that, I was revising my earlier impressions of him - largely got from his media personality. Oh yes, he was very often to be seen on the business news channels and widely quoted in marketing articles.

Did I mention already that we all had many misconceptions?

One of his favourite quotes recently was that the fifth 'P' - 'People' are most important in an organisation and must be treated well. Well, he didn't seem to be acting on it himself, did he? I did reflect on how he had never taken such liberties with some of us who were still loyal. I would never have stood for this sort of treatment. I'd made errors in judgement too, but followed that adage of never repeating a mistake again, which was getting me 'good' to 'excellent' performance ratings every quarter. (I'm sure you'll allow the continuing self-flattery here)

He also chose to mentor me, as this was my first job. This meant I was exposed to long, lengthy reminisces from him of his first job and subsequent ones. By now I knew his life history by heart. He was highly experienced in the corporate way of life, and passed on lots of useful tips on handling various situations, clients, people. I appreciated this interest and this was one of the reasons he fostered loyalty.

Over tea (for him), coffee (for me) and soggy biscuits in his office, he would narrate many interesting anecdotes from his early working days. I found these fascinating - each episode ended with him achieving fantastic targets, or reaching glorious new levels of sales for the companies in question, or devising a brilliant marketing strategy in the nick of time to save the brand from ruin by the new, deadly competitor. Or reaching hitherto unaccessed markets in remote locations and placing the product there.

I was enchanted and saw him as the gladiator of the sales and marketing world, who had now retired into consulting for lesser mortals.

Or perhaps it would be more correct to say - he saw himself that way.

I was beginning though, to feel uncomfortable about the fact that I was tending to take the easy way out. By simply doing everything his way - compromising on what anyone else thought was best for the situation, including my own judgement. To use a trivial example, in any press release we penned on the client's behalf, I would automatically include a discerning quote from LL, which he sometimes found good enough to not improve on at times. One clearly needed to develop a very thick skin to be working with him. Was I getting one? Telling myself that I had to earn a living and that he was basically honest and ethical as far as I could see, I decided that we had no right to question any of his tactics. After all, we were earning a living thanks to him, and it was his company. Things could be worse.

All in all, the day was one of those which whizzed by with unimaginable speed, ate up my lunch break, and included uncomfortable thoughts crowding in, about my employer.

I badly needed to cheer up, get home, relax, watch some Frasier.

And an 'approval' from LL on another strategic note drawn up and his signature on it. Knowing that once I got this, I was a free bird for the day, nay, for the evening, I barged into his cabin.

I knew he was getting an update from another Sales head (let's call him Mr. Milkah) on what was going on in his territory. Mr. Milkah had a naturally lugubrious countenance and I wondered why the atmosphere seemed funereal.

This was not one of my clients, however, so I barely listened to what was going on.

LL didn't mind that I'd intruded. He knew that this note had to be sent right away. While nodding at Mr. Milkah across from him, he casually skimmed through my file.

"And our team is doing a really good job. We have expanded in many new territories already. A lot of first-time orders", said Mr. Milkah, looking mournful.

"Good, good..", said LL absentmindedly. His Cheshire cat grin was in place like a fixture. Depending on his mood, it could make him look menacing or happy.

"And we have even converted some outlets completely. They have stopped keeping our competitor's product".

"That's great news. Congratulations..", chuckled LL, still not looking up.

Mr. Milkah didn't mind. He was on a roll.

"All thanks to you Mr. LL", he said dolefully, giving credit where it was due.

Now I started to pay attention. I badly needed to hear something good, something that would affirm that I was working for a marketing whiz and that all this daily drama with emotionally battered colleagues, was worth it.

I looked over at Mr. Milkah. He finally smiled and so did I. LL very flatteringly introduced me as one of his brightest and best and spoke of how my clients had increased their business with us since I'd taken charge. Flattered, I promptly forgave him his past sins.

Yep, back in those days, it was usually that easy with me. And well, timely bonuses and pay hikes also helped.

Mr. Milkah decided to impress me, though his words again seemed at variance with his demeanour.

"You know", he added, "Thanks to LL, our business has increased and my area's sales have gone up so much that our Directors are really happy."

"That's wonderful", I responded. "But I'm not surprised. That's what we usually deliver for all our clients".

"And that amazing idea he gave us, was so good..", Mr. Milkah continued, looking even more depressed. I wondered if something was wrong, despite the breaking news of record sales he seemed to be reporting.

LL pointed out a minor rephrasing to me in the document. I peeked over while nodding at Mr. Milkah, now paying attention to what LL was trying to whisper.

Mr. Milkah continued his woeful rave, "The team was so reluctant at first, but I explained it to them like LL had to me. We arranged a bus ride for them and called them all for a training…"

I listened with half an ear trying to simultaneously fix my expression such that either party would feel I was paying them attention.

"…I had to give them all, what is it called? My English is not so good. I am so bad at all these terms. Ah yes, mouth-to-mouth. I personally gave them. Each and every one.."

My attention snapped back. My God! He was describing a catastrophe. Hadn't I read something about it in today's papers? A bus load of tourists got stuck in a landslide? Surely that wasn't Mr. Milkah's sales team? And that too, headed for a training that Marrkit was indirectly responsible for!

LL too was looking over his glasses at Mr. Milkah. He looked over and noticed my expression. And went back to reading the file. Thick-skinned indeed.

Unable to believe that even LL could be so completely heartless to this tale of mayhem and horror, I stared with shock at Mr. Milkah.

"Oh my God, how are they now?", I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

Mr. Milkah too, apart from his general expression of woe, seemed to be maintaining his composure quite well. He frowned at my question.

"Who?"

"The sales team!"

"They are fine, thank you".

"Glad to hear it", was all I could say, still in some shock. I imagined them all in a row of beds, in some hospital, recovering from the accident and showing up for work swathed in bandages.

LL finally looked up. "Mr. Milkah, Mr. Milkah...", he chortled. By now I was feeling sick that he could giggle at such news.

"Mr. Milkah….", LL said, wagging a finger at him, "It's called 'Word of Mouth'. Not Mouth to Mouth. Hahaha! It's word-of-mouth marketing - THAT's what it's called!"

Books to read to become a Marketing Consultant (in Recommended Order):

• How to Surprise Your Competition
• How to Kill the Competition
• Don’t Focus on Competitors
• Get Your Customer
• Know Your Customer
• Keep Your Customer
• What To Do When the Customer Starts Leaving
• Stop Selling, Start Living… Start Marketing
• Ageless Product, Timeless Profit
• So What if Your Product Doesn’t Meet Any Consumer Need?
• Reap First, Sow Later
• Principles of Marketing
• Business Ethics for Newcomers
• How to be Ethical and Yet Succeed - All New Secrets!
  
• Marketing For Dummies
• Marketing Is For Dummies
• It’s Not About Marketing!
• It’s About Brand Building
• 360 Degree Communication
• Zen and the Art of Customer Maintenance

Author's note: These books may not be easily available at your friendly neighbourhood bookstore as they are usually sold out. At least, they were when I tried.