Monday, January 4, 2010

Excerpts from LL's Personal Diary

These forgotten pages from LL's diary were anonymously scanned and emailed.

After great trepidation, as I felt uneasy unleashing great evil unto the world, I overcame my scruples as this would give you, dear reader, tremendous insight.

After all, wasn't Mein Kampf published in paperback for the same reasons?

Read with caution - there's no going back.

Some necessary omissions such as names of people/ clients have been made and acronyms have been expanded. Only some of the notes are featured here.

Some illegible scrawls could not be deciphered.

13 March 20XX

Sack someone before 31 Mar.

## new recruit - joined 3 months ago - expendable. No notice period.

Author's note: The reason for this was that in a weak moment, LL had allowed the number of employees to exceed 20. Dangerous, as any company with employees >20 would have to provide benefits like gratuity and canteen facility. This would go against everything LL believed. He couldn't let that happen.

5 May 20xx

XX (client) chose the agency's tagline instead of mine.

10 May 20xx

Sent brochure to competitor of XX.

26 May 20xx
Hope to dump XX in 2 months and sign up YY*

* Author's note: Competitor of XX

6 April 20xx

Dictate memo about new leave rules.

Author's note: Refer to Marrkit's Memorable Memos

12 May 20xx

Call from Candyboy mne's magazine for interview - 4 page spread! Schedule appointment on priority basis. What an honour. Everyone important reads Candyboy. They'll be so jealous.

13 May 20xx

Call photographer - new head shots/ profile views for photo handouts.

Send to all journalists.

1 June 20xx

Frame cost cutting policy.

4 July 20xx

Nice campaign idea by agency of ABC client.

10 July 20xx

XYZ meeting a success. Client loved my campaign idea.

Reminder - Clients ABC & XYZ to never meet.

10 August 20xx

Serious news. Mrs. LL reports that Group heads are on easygoing, friendly terms with each other.

12 August 20xx

Divide and rule. Divide and rule. Move client from one group to another.

13 August 20xx

Told client, group two not performing and they are upgraded to group one.

14 August 20xx

Told group two they are not performing and client will move to group one.

16 Aug 20xx

Tell group one they are not productive enough so have to manage group two's client. Praise head of group two in front of group one.

3 Sept 20xx

Schedule time with Mrs. LL for update on employee calls she's listened in on.

12 Sept 20xx

Must get invited as a panellist on CNBC. Invite the show's anchor for lunch. Crash annual party?

2nd Nov 20xx

Find out about personal life of all employees to help manipulate them. Options: hire detective/ install cameras/ phone bugs/ call in hypnosis expert/ actor.

4 Dec 20xx

Today is VN's day off. Email letter in his name to client sales manager, accusing him of manipulating sales figures. VN must not find out.

10 Dec 20xx

Memo to Mrs. LL - Destroyed VN's credibility with client. Use this as a reason to sack him before he resigns.


Beta said...

Loved the expendable new hire and the target of <20 employees. Quite a lala this LL is/was.

Annoymously said...

Glad you found something to like about this, my lamest post ever. Thanks. Loyalty ranks highly with me. Even if I have to issue threats to get it :)

Annoymously said...

Have had to enable comment moderation thanks to evil spammers who've found their way here. May they rot. Do bear with it, thanks.

Anonymous said...

The writer of has written a superior article. I got your point and there is nothing to argue about. It is like the following universal truth that you can not disagree with: Nothing is ever as simple as it first appears I will be back.